I Love My Children, I Love My Children

This weekend was the first weekend in a very long time that I wished my daughter was "normal", since being diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Hypersensitivity Disorder, Panic Attacks, OCD, and some other issues. We have worked since she was a baby to help her cope with life's daily issues, and so far I have thought that we have done quite well in our efforts. This weekend we hit a bit of a snag.

It was time for the dogs to be walked. We have a dog that likes to run to burn off that excess energy, so I thought it was a good idea for her to ride her bike to let our dog have her run. Unbeknownst to me, the dogs had been recently fed, so my husband told my daughter to take them on a walk, but not to let our bigger dog run to avoid giving her bloat. A disorder common in her breed, especially if they are run soon after they are fed. She came to me to confirm that she needed to ride her bike while the dog ran. I didn't know of the conversation she had with her dad, or that the dogs had been recently fed, so I assured her that was what she needed to do. A few minutes later her dad reminded her just to "walk the dogs".

She began to panic, and frustrating answered back, "But Mom said I had to ride my bike to walk the dog." I was immediately called downstairs. As I came down, I was bombarded with questions and accusations from both my husband and daughter. "You know Luna can't run after she has eaten, and it hasn't been long enough since her morning meal," my husband accused. "You said I had to ride my bike, right?" my daughter questioned.

"Whoa, wait a minute, I had no idea what your dad told you," I answered back to my daughter. I explained that had I known that the dog had just eaten then I wouldn't have suggested that she ride her bike while the dog ran. Her dad told her to go ahead and just walk the dogs. I agreed. She looked at me as though she were a deer caught in an oncoming car's headlights, plopped down on the couch and couldn't move. I recognized the signs. She was in full sensory overload, which negated her ability to comprehend, move or act on any of our requests. There was nothing more we could do, but wait it out until her synapses fired enough to soak it all in.

I didn't like the reaction, not because she short circuited, but because it reminded me that she still had so much more to overcome. Don't get me wrong we are at a place where she is a thousand times better than where she was, but not where she needs to be and it kind of scares me because she is going back into public school after two and a half years of being home schooled. I just hope I have equipped her with the skills necessary to overcome more of those obstacles. There are times I wish she was more "normal", but that is for her sake so that she doesn't stand out as being out of place or "abnormal" and therefore picked on. I just have to believe that she is where she needs to be for now.